Being FEMALE

 

About six years ago I was chased in the evening by three boys when I was running an errand for my mum. I had chosen to use a shortcut instead of the main road which had street lights. It was only a while before I passed by the uncompleted building these boys were sitting in front of.

They cat called and signalled for me to stop, I ignored them and quickened my steps. They got up and started following me. The faster I walked, the faster they walked after me.

I begun to run when they started catching up to me, they started running too. They kept asking me to stop but I did not.

I ran until I got to the main road, I looked back and saw them walking back into the darkness.
I think out of shock, my brain refused to process this event and I eventually convinced myself that they were just messing with me.
It was a few years ago, after I recounted the story to some of my friends that I realised that those boys might have actually harmed me if they had caught up with me.

 

You would think being female is all roses and sunshine but sometimes,most of the time, it is not.
Because everytime you step out of your home, you need to apply every rule of survival you know, that is if you want to survive.

The funny thing is that sometimes the threat is not even outside, it is right there in your home. But that is a topic for another day.
Today I am taking my mask off for a moment so we can just talk about being female.

 

You ever had things happen to you so many times that they gradually become a part of your life without you even realising it?

 

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Well the first time it happened or the first time I actually took notice of it was three years ago on a bus ride home, I was in the university then and was just going home for the weekend.
I sat in the seat closest to the window and as we journeyed on, I realised the man seated on my right who was probably in his late forties had rested his left hand on the seat in front of us.

After a while, I realized that anytime the bus passed a pothole or shook a little, a part of his arm brushed against my breast. Initially, I wanted to believe it was an accident so I tried separating myself from him to avoid his hand making contact with me. This did not solve the problem , it was almost as if he was doing it on purpose.

I really wanted to convince myself that it was an accident and the look on his face could have actually convinced me that it was if I did not know better. I mean this man saw me moving away from him, he was definitely aware that he was making me uncomfortable.

Out of frustration coupled with annoyance, I also placed my hand on the seat in front of us and adjusted myself in a way that his hand ended up touching my hand instead anytime there was a movement in the car . And that was how we were until he alighted.

I still want to desperately believe that he was oblivious to what was happening and what he was doing.

The second encounter I had on a public transport was when I was on my way home from work last year. An older man seated beside me tried to make conversation with me, he jokingly asked me to pay his fare and I politely declined. He kept trying to make conversation but I was not interested and he would not stop.

The car finally stopped at my destination and for reasons best known to him, he refused to get down so I would alight. Instead he shifted a little to the side, indicating that I should pass by him. It would have been much better if he had alighted though. I tried passing by him and to my surprise he held my waist and said ” let me help you alight”.

God knows how livid I was. “Was my waist the only place he could touch in his bid to help me?”, I wondered. He looked at me through the window after I had alighted and smiled. That smile should have been slapped off his face.

Besides being inappropriately touched by men I do not even know, being followed is another thing that really irks me.

About three or four years ago, I was on my way home from school(I was still in the university) on a Saturday when a man approached me at the market where I had alighted to board a second car home. He said he just wanted us to have a conversation, I told him I was not interested and proceeded to walk away.

This young man who looked about twenty-five years of age thought it was a good idea to follow me.

I did not even realise I was being followed until I sat in the bus. He got into the bus I was in and for a while, I tried to convince myself that it was not him. I could not recognize him because I did not really pay attention to him earlier.

Besides, who was crazy enough to follow a stranger around?


I alighted at my junction and he did same. I was a little shocked even though this was not the first time I was being followed. I deliberately stopped at a shop to buy airtime and he stopped too. He then asked me whether I lived in the neighbourhood, this man was definitely crazy, I lied and said I did not.

“I live in the neighbourhood and I really want to make new friends”, he said. I told him I was not interested in being his friend and I would appreciate it if he left me alone. I took a few steps away from him, looked back and saw him still following me.

I stopped in front of my neighbour’s house and told her I was being followed. He stood at a distance and kept his eyes on me the entire time, I really did not know what was going on in his mind.
My neighbour informed a couple of young men in the neighbourhood and they started walking towards the him.

He probably sensed danger and started walking away. He boarded a car headed in the direction of the market and fled.

I still don’t understand why he creepily followed me when I had clearly told him I was not interested in his conversation. It was not fun, at least not to me.

 

Quite recently, I had to run an errand for my mum in the morning and on my way back home, just when I was about to cross the road, I realized there was someone trying to get my attention. I did not know how long he had been trying or how long he had been following me.
He told me he wanted to talk to me and I wondered why he could not have waited until after I had crossed the road.

Besides I was in a hurry, so I politely told him that I was not interested in pursuing the conversation and I would like to cross the road. I realised he was following me even after I had crossed the road.
I kept walking, looking over my shoulder to see if he was still there. After a while, I noticed he had stopped following me. I looked around to make sure he had really left before I boarded a car home.

 

The world is already unsafe as it is and No one wants to step out of their homes everyday having to add being harassed verbally, visually and physically to their lists of threats. No one likes being harassed, NO means NO. The world will be much better if everyone understood this.